Pink Cup Parenting.

Today is one of those days as a parent that you think, "Why? Why did I ever think having a kid was a good idea? Seriously. Who's bright ass idea was this!?" Layla has deemed today to be "Volcanic Meltdown Day". It hasn't been pretty.
Today we were SUPPOSED to take Tim's uniforms in to have patches sewn on, get the brakes on the car done, clean the kitchen, Layla needs to clean her room, and we are going to the DMV this afternoon. It's after 11 am and what have we accomplished? Oh that's right a big FAT NOTHING! I did dishes... that's about as far as I got.

The best part is the arguments are nonsensical. They say you can't argue with crazy, you also cannot argue with 3 year old logic. An example: "I DON'T WANT TO WEAR MY FLOWER SHIRT! 'CAUSE **MARCO'S BABY SISTER CRIES!!"
**Marco is Layla's imaginary friend that lives in the sky. While Marco is a "kid" he has a baby sister who is an elephant, yes, an ELEPHANT. Her name? "Baby Sister." Duh! And apparently said baby sister elephant cries at the thought of my child wearing a flower shirt. *SIGH* Whiny ass bitch elephant baby.

However, the inspiration for this post came from another melt down. When cleaning house I put Pandora Radio on the living room stereo and go about my day. Layla wanted the Glee Cast station, I wanted Foo Fighters. I'm the Momma. I win.
A few songs in The Counting Crow's "Hangin Around" came on. Let me start by saying I can't freaking stand The Counting Crows, and "Hangin' Around" is like nails on a chalkboard to me. The singer sounds like a dying seal. Now, the lovely thing about Pandora is I can opt to "Dislike" and skip the song, right? But in the mean time Layla comes running in demanding I change it. Uhmmm.... Excuse me? So I tell her that she's being very rude and you don't order around your Momma. She throws herself to the ground and starts screaming and crying. HELL. NO. Not only did I NOT change the song, I sat down next to her and started singing along at the top of my lungs like this was my freaking JAM! (BTW Why do you always know the words to songs you hate? lol) She eventually stopped the screaming and stared at me like I'd lost my damn mind. And, hey, let's face it, I probably have. But I got my point across. Was it the immature way to handle the situation? Yup, it sure was; But sometimes you have to throw Parenting 101 out the window and resort to alternative methods.

The whole situation reminded me of something my best friend and I discovered when we were teenagers. Several of our girlfriends babysat for the same family. They had 3 children, 2 girls and a boy, all under the age of 6. At one point or another, we all encountered the "Pink Cup Dilemma." There was a set of kid's plastic cups in all different colors, obviously one of them was pink. The situation always went the same: Kids say they are hungry. Babysitter announces she will make lunch/dinner/snack/whatever. When babysitter reaches the point of asking what the kids want to drink all three children come running, pushing, and screaming that they each want "the pink cup!" Even the little boy (because his sister's are so adamant that they get this damn pink cup). It was how each babysitter handled the situation that we joked perfectly summed up how we each saw ourselves as parents when we got older.

Babysitter #1 (Susan): "If you are going to fight about it, then I think no one should get the pink cup."

Babysitter #2 (Jamie): "*Oldest child* can have the cup this time, then *second oldest*, etc."

Babysitter #3 (Christina): "*Second oldest* asked me first, so she gets it this time."

Babysitter #4 (MOI!): "Uhmm... If the pink cup is seriously that cool, it's MINE. Problem solved. haha."

I like to think I've grown up a lot since then, but today just proved to me I still subscribe to my Pink Cup style of parenting. My kid is gonna need therapy. Whoops. :)

The long awaited 4th!!

Alrighty, we took several weeks off from the make-up trials because, well, life happens. Tim's ship has been moved to the yards and it's been crazy lately. So, tonight we have a double feautre. :) I did Layla's make up for a Princess Aurora look she asked for- it's subtle, she's THREE after all, and I am NOT a pageant mom! 

Next, we have Tim's 00's-raver-turned-hooker look. Yes. You read that right. lol It stemmed from my telling him about a "Techno Music Festival" *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* in Balboa Park.  Enjoy the cheesy  hooker duck-faces!!

Ok, actually the first one is apparently more of a Zoolander look! :)

A letter to me....

This is by no means a new concept, but it is something I've been thinking a lot about lately.

Dear 17-year-old-me,
Some of the best advice I've ever received, is something so simple and common it often gets overlooked: "Pick your battles." Some things are worth fighting for, the rest can figure itself out. Pick. Your. Battles.
That being said, Relax. No, don't be lazy. RELAX. You are too damn angry for being so young, give it up. Do some yoga. Eat a cookie. Find your peace. Whatever. Just do it. Trust me, it's so much better. You spend far too much time being angry.
Forgive your parents. They are only human, and divorce is hard on everyone.
Stop letting "No" be your first reaction to every question.
The petty-high-school games do not end in high school. They will be part of your life, everyone's life, forever. I'm sure there will be petty gossip & feuds to deal with from your wheelchair in Shady Oaks nursing home. I'm not saying condone the behavior or jump in the middle, just don't be surprised by it, and take it all in stride.
Shut up. You are not fat. You are just not skinny. Skinny is overrated. There is nothing wrong with being a size 11. So just stop stressing about it, you are beautiful. Embrace your curves and let them work for you.
Don't stop writing. Or drawing. Or singing. You are better when they are a part of your life.
Don't drop out of college. There's plenty of time for paychecks and parties, finish school.
Beware the quarter-life crisis, it's a doozy.
It never works out the way you hope with him. And that's ok. It's better than ok. The relationship may not be worth all the heart ache in the end, but the strength you find in yourself to walk away is worth every tear you'll shed. I promise, honey.
You'll meet and marry an amazing man, and Layla is more beautiful than you have ever imagined her to be....
Spend more time with your siblings. Hug John. Often. Listen more, preach less.
Laugh. Laugh at life, at yourself, at your lowest moments, through your tears... laugh.

A Reformed Little-Miss-Can't-Be-Wrong

*This is not directed at any one person, just a blanket statement.*

I really don't like passive aggressive people. If you have a problem with me, tell me. If you approach me as an adult, who knows, you may even get an apology. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes. I'm extremely impulsive and I say things that I shouldn't, and though my intentions are not malicious, I can do things that are rude or mean. This being said, if someone feels slighted by me I really wish they would just say so. Don't just slink away, or happen to "block me". If I have really done something wrong, I want to know, to either a) explain myself or b) apologize and learn from it. 

I'm a big girl, I can admit when I'm wrong. However, if you don't have the balls to have an adult conversation with me, I don't have time for you. Done.

Make up look #3!

This time Tim & I decided we would both do our interpretation of a look. :) 

We decided on Cleopatra for this round, and he used the following pic of the legendary Elizabeth Taylor as inspiration (which turned out to be a pretty literal translation, lol):

Here's what he did (excuse my trying-to-appear-intense-but-really-just-looks-like-I-hate-my-life-face):

My spin was if I were going to be Cleopatra for Halloween, this might be the makeup I'd wear:

Not that I would wear any of his looks to the grocery store, but I have to say I applaud him, I think he's doing pretty well! I am definitely taking some credit for that though, because he's been watching me do my make up for 9 years, not to suggest that I'm the best ever or anything close! But I think he's picked up on a few things :)

Tim does my make up Round 2!

I apologize for the delay in the 2nd look. Tim is on a 3 section duty and I was having a really bad bout of eczema  around my eyes, so we had to take several days off.
Last night we decided to try out the "Rainbow look" & Tim had also made us some really awesome margarita-type drinks. Now we are dorks and have to name all new drinks we come up with, so here is how the conversation went:
Tim- Tequila & Full Throttle.... Tim's Full Throttle? No.. Balls to the wall?
Me- Uhmm.. I don't want the word "balls" anywhere in my drink, thank you very much! Especially since the damn thing is blue!
Tim - HAHAHAHA Ok, now that has to be it! We'll call it BLUE BALLS! BAHAHAhahahaha
Me- *&$*#*^$(#&$(&#(*........ fine.

I am telling you this funny little tidbit because there is a lesson in this story: TEQUILA & MAKEUP DO NOT MIX.

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Rainbow

 Tim wants it noted that this spot is "not his fault" and that because I moved I "messed it up." Because, ya know THAT SMUDGE is what makes it look ridiculous.

Also, I am STILL trying to get the hot pink out of my eyebrows. I may do a Jeffree Star look today simply because I'm not sure what else to do with pink eyebrows! lol

Adventures in make up.... :)

So, Tim & I were joking one day about him doing my make up. After talking about it a few times we decided that he is going to do a different make up look everyday for 7 days (I say 7, because he won't be doing it on duty days so it will actually take 9-10 days)

The style we decided on today was....... 

1940's Pin-Up Girl!!!!

 Here's Tim w/his pre-chosen tools & colors.

 Me- Before

Me getting annoyed because Tim is taking 20 minutes to pick a "cream" color- note the test swatch on my arm 

 Uhhh..... possibly too much, babe?

I needed a drink... 

Tim has an.... interesting... lipstick application technique 

 Final product

A better shot of the eyeliner....

$h!t my kid says....

"Layla! Go put on underpants**!"

"I go BYE-BYE!?"

"No, but you have to wear underpants anyway."

"Why?!"

*SIGH* Apparently, in Layla's world the only time one needs to wear underpants is when leaving the house. LOL

**I have developed the habit of calling them "underpants" since my friend Lauren screams everytime I say "panties" :)

Tales of Molly the Moose Dog

Molly is our 15 month old black lab. We've had her since she was 7 weeks old, and she's great with Layla. She's extremely hyper and about the happiest dog you could ever meet, however she is also an unruly BEAST. I affectionately refer to her as our "moose."
This dog can eat anything, and believe me she does! In the last few months I have caught her eating or found she'd crapped out: a complete, intact sock, her name tag, 2 (new, unused) tampons, a children's book, and today an entire candle. Yes, a CANDLE, unscented at that. What possesses her to eat these things is a mystery to me, but she does. She has a ton of chew toys, bones, etc. And those "tough toys" that are for the chew master  in your life? They never last more than 2 days, sometimes less than 24 hours.  The only thing not destroyed is her XL Kong toy, but she loses interest in it after a day or two. She seems hell bent on conquering the challenge of chowing down on the inedible. Oh, our silly moose. :)